by Iona Murphy
Where did Van come from, where did Van Gogh?
DING DONG SOMEBODY PLEASE PUT ME DOWN.
Thought I had pink eye, was just pink eyeshadow.
HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOU TO STOP CUTTING YOUR OWN FRINGE IN YOUR BEDROOM YOU FUCKING IDIOT.
When I was 15 I put my pocket money aside to pay for a boob job HEHE.
I luv Clair De Lube.
Tinder, but for finding and thanking people who look out 4 u when u crying at the station.
CHRISTMAS VIBE CHECK: looking up the calories in ‘the Body of Christ’ to log it on My Fitness Pal.
Wish concerts were like nightclubs where you could request songs.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina smelling candle gives me big ‘Serenity by Jan’ vibes. WHY did no one tell me I looked like Megamind when I was skinny????
My favourite exam breakdown was when I used to make balloon dogs and I’d just be sat crying in my bedroom with balloon dogs all over the floor.
Which one of my depression meals sounds tastiest?: Butter mixed with flour, Peas and cous cous, Soggy tiger bread, Just an endless stream of soup.
Damn this wearing latex gloves constantly thing really got me smelling like a condom.
I have a healthy relationship with food, I say, as I nom down on a black coffee with Canderel.
Day one of 2020 and I’ve already cried bcz I love Jasonnnn Deruloooo.
I just want to cry into soup and make more soup by diluting it with tears, is that too much to ask????
U know when the doctor’s like ‘WHADDUP B’ and you’re wearing an MCR t-shirt even though it’s 2019 like son do I even need to say anymore????